About Ever & Ever
Why isn’t Ever & Ever available at my beverage purveyor of choice?
That seems like a question for the owner of the store. Politely request to speak with him or her, prepared with questions you’d like to ask. “Are you aware that plastic is clogging up our oceans at an extremely alarming pace? Did you know that aluminum, when properly recycled, never ends up in oceans? That it’s infinitely recyclable? Do you know about Ever & Ever, a water that comes in aluminum bottle-cans, which, coincidentally, would look great in your water section?”
Is there a way to find out what aluminum objects my bottle-can will go on to become?
We’re afraid not. Recycling, much to our constant dismay, doesn’t pay much credence to the concept of individuality.
I can’t choose between still or sparkling water. Will you help me choose?
On principle, we refuse to take a side on such a personal matter, but we would like to reassure you that, however you choose, you’ll end up refreshed and with an empty bottle-can that can be recycled into something else.
What is your shipping policy?
We offer free shipping on all orders in the U.S.
Do you ship to P.O. boxes?
Unfortunately, we do not.
Do you ship to remote islands accessible only by longboat?
For the last time, Frank, no.
How do I track my order?
How long will it take for my Ever & Ever to arrive?
Typically within 10 days of ship date or approximately .0000000000000000000000000000000000001% of aluminum’s life span.
What is your return policy?
If your order was damaged in transit, or if you received the wrong order, reach out to email@example.com and we’ll get you sorted. Otherwise, we don’t accept returns. If, for whatever reason, you are unsatisfied with your Ever & Ever, may we recommend passing it along to a friend or family member or coworker who often drinks from single-use plastic water bottles, proselytizing to them the many merits of aluminum?
What is an Ever & Ever subscription?
Much like the aluminum it is made of, Ever & Ever is best enjoyed as a cycle that keeps going and going. A subscription is ideal if you want to keep your home or office fridge stocked with Ever & Ever, in perpetuity. To sign up, select the “subscription” option on the product page when checking out.
How do I change the billing method on my subscription?
Log in to your customer account with your email address. On the Account page, click on Subscriptions, then click on Billing Information.
How do I change my shipping address?
On the Account page, click on Orders, then My Subscriptions, then Change shipping address.
How do I cancel my subscription?
If you decide to end your subscription, you can cancel via the Account page. Before doing so, please picture sad seals and fish and whales swimming among plastic, as to induce a guilt trip that may sway you from canceling.
How much money do I save by doing a subscription?
You save 10% per case or $2.39 per case. That adds up. You can buy a case of Ever & Ever with that money.
How can I contact Ever & Ever?
I love you?
Please, not here. Not now.